Faced with infidelity, the couple must overcome a test, it is in fact an emotional tsunami that hits the couple. It is difficult to rebuild and forgive in order to move forward. Unfortunately, this is a recurring problem these days. Contrary to preconceptions, it is not because the couple faces this problem that it is the end of the couple.
Ending the relationship after infidelity is a double penalty for the spouse who has been deceived because he feels humiliated and he loses the relationship.
A couple who consults is a couple in pain. This couple needs help and in the case of infidelity each of the two spouses is suffering but in a different way and it is difficult for each to put themselves in the place of the other.
It is indeed inconceivable for the deceived person to put themselves in the place of the other and to imagine for a second that they could suffer and that is completely understandable and comprehensible. When we are betrayed, cheated on, we feel bad, we hurt and we feel belittled. It’s so complicated and so painful.
The situation of infidelity causing pain there are often many questions around forgiveness. “Will I ever forgive? Am I able to forgive? Does she deserve my forgiveness? …. etc
Indeed the deceived person is in real suffering and wonders if one day he will be able to overcome this. We get out of infidelity with forgiveness but for that we have to work at it and it can take time.
From the discovery of infidelity
Around this infidelity is born a lot of things.
At first it can be like a honeymoon after the discovery of this infidelity. There is like a survival instinct, a fear of losing oneself, of losing the other. There is like an awareness that the other is always desirable. Sexuality can even be rediscovered and explosively. This situation does not last and the descent is very difficult.
You really have to rebuild yourself and go through the mourning phase to get better. Our spouse is still alive but no longer the one we idealized and trusted. We will also have to trust again and that in a reasoned way.
The reconstruction for a couple in this situation is long and it can take a year knowing that the first 6 months are relatively difficult even if we are accompanied.
1 – A complicated mourning phase:
In infidelity the mourning consists in understanding what happened. It takes time but it’s an important step because you can’t move on quickly.
Accept that there will always be a scar and it will never be forgotten. Through forgiveness when the path is made, the suffering will no longer be the same. This phase of mourning is complicated and painful and it is important to know that during this period, there may even be depressive states.
2 – Lost confidence to be regained:
This trust was lost due to infidelity which resulted in lies. It will therefore be necessary to do a lot of work around this confidence in order to find it in a reasoned but important way to rebuild itself.
Indeed, trust is no longer the same as at the beginning of the couple. There is going to be work to do for both people to restore that trust. This work is often tedious and can often be complicated.
To the start of forgiveness
Forgiveness is not forgetting. We will not be able to forget but to forgive is to accept the past and not to hurt ourselves anymore.
It is moving forward in a process of willingness to forgive and for this it is also important to understand and know what there is to forgive. One cannot ask the other to forgive without knowing what there is to forgive. Of course, this is not an unpacking of sordid and painful details but a minimum of element to move forward.
Forgive to move forward:
And to be able to forgive there are 3 conditions to respect:
- Ask for forgiveness (I can only give you my forgiveness if you ask me) it is obviously necessary that the extra
- Marital relationship is stopped
- Admit his fault Committed to never doing it again
Infidelity is an emotional tsunami to deal with. We cannot continue to live together and move forward without forgiving. To forgive there are conditions to be met. Rebuild self-confidence, in others. To move forward in couple therapy in the face of infidelity, there are rules to follow.
- Give yourself time to reflect: you really need to weigh all the situations.
- Be accompanied by a specialist to better manage the situation which is complicated.
- Give yourself time to talk about the situation and respect it, do not talk about it outside so you can breathe.